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When Sex Feels Like a Chore

We know it can be fun and we know it is good for our relationship – so why do so many Australian couples feel too tired to have sex?
There is no doubt we are all busy people. Ask anyone how they are, and chances are, the answer will be a simple word: “busy”.  Certainly, most of us juggle a bunch of different tasks, jobs and responsibilities within our lives – we are busy getting the kids ready for school, busy working long hours, busy undertaking education, busy racing the kids to after-school activities, busy looking after aging parents… we are even busy paying our bills. It’s no wonder issues of low libido or differences in sex drive are commonplace.
But it is our attachment to technology – and in particular our smart phones and tablets – which sociologist Brenton Prosser (quoted recently in the Sydney Morning Herald) says is confusing the boundaries between work and leisure and making our down-time even less available.
None of this gives us much time, or energy, for sex – and if you are hopping into bed with your smart phone, you are probably not giving your sex life much of an opportunity to thrive.
And let’s face it, your sex life is an important part of any relationship – so what can you do to get over the feeling that sex is just another chore?
Here are some tips and suggestions to help you prioritise sex in your busy life – give some or all of them a try:
1.    Don’t wait until you are dog-tired and ready to collapse into bed at night – go to bed a bit earlier than normal so you have more energy for intimacy with your partner
2.    Try sex at different times in the day – morning, lunch-time, whenever? You don’t have to wait till the end of the day to enjoy sex.
3.    Go to bed wearing something sexy, or wearing nothing at all.
4.    Try having sex before your commence your bed-time routine. Pyjamas, tooth-brushes and night cream don’t really help to set the scene – you can do all that later.
5.    Don’t take your i-phone to bed with you
Sex in a relationship supports intimacy. So don’t let sex seem like just another chore in your life…. make a concerted effort to improve your sex life and your relationship today.

When sex feels like just another chore….

We know it can be fun and we know it is good for our relationship – so why do so many Australian couples feel too tired to have sex?

There is no doubt we are all busy people. Ask anyone how they are, and chances are, the answer will be a simple word: “busy”.Certainly, most of us juggle a bunch of different tasks, jobs and responsibilities within our lives – we are busy getting the kids ready for school, busy working long hours, busy undertaking education, busy racing the kids to after-school activities, busy looking after aging parents… we are even busy paying our bills.

But it is our attachment to technology – and in particular our smart phones and tablets – which sociologist Brenton Prosser (quoted recently in the Sydney Morning Herald) says is confusing the boundaries between work and leisure and making our down-time even less available.

None of this gives us much time, or energy, for sex – and if you are hopping into bed with your smart phone, you are probably not giving your sex life much of an opportunity to thrive.

And let’s face it, your sex life is an important part of any relationship – so what can you do to get over the feeling that sex is just another chore?

Here are some tips and suggestions to help you prioritise sex in your busy life – give some or all of them a try:

1.Don’t wait until you are dog-tired and ready to collapse into bed at night – go to bed a bit earlier than normal so you have more energy for intimacy with your partner

2.Try sex at different times in the day – morning, lunch-time, whenever? You don’t have to wait till the end of the day to enjoy sex.

3.Go to bed wearing something sexy, or wearing nothing at all.

4.Try having sex before your commence your bed-time routine. Pyjamas, tooth-brushes and night cream don’t really help to set the scene – you can do all that later.

5.Don’t take your i-phone to bed with you

Sex in a relationship supports intimacy. So don’t let sex seem like just another chore in your life…. make a concerted effort to improve your sex life and your relationship today.

References

  1. Bradbury, T.N., Fincham, F.D., & Beach, S.R.H. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62
    (4), 964–980. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00964.x.
  2. https://www.aamft.org/About_AAMFT/About_Marriage_and_Family_Therapists.aspx
  3. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/23761407.2018.1563013
  4. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/23761407.2018.1563013
  5. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/action/showCitFormats?doi=10.1111%2Fjmft.12350
  6. https://www.relationships.org.au/what-we-do/research/australian-relationships-indicators/relationships-indicator-2011
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