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Keeping Love Alive

What’s Love Got to Do with It?
Everything, one would hope! Love might not be what gets you into bed in the first place, but love lies underneath every successful relationship.
So what is love and how can it sustain your relationship?
Love is a feeling or emotion of strong attachment or affection. When we talk about interpersonal love, we talk about the love that one person has for another. However, there are all different sorts of love – most commonly, love for a person (which can be romantic, familial or platonic), love for an animal, object or thing, or religious devotion (or love of god).
Counsellors and psychologists understand love as a central facilitator of interpersonal relationships, as do artists and poets! Biological conceptions of love pitch it as a mechanism of the survival instinct – we love as a way to provide ourselves with physical security and ensure humankind’s continuity (through procreation).
Plato said “Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods”. But love is more than just an ethereal emotion which connects us to other human-beings. Certainly love is far more complex than a mere feeling. In the context of our romantic relationships or marriages, love can be said to encompass all of the following elements:
• Love is about kindness – remember to be kind and generous towards your partner
• Love is about friendship – enjoy each other’s company and remember your common ground – have fun together.
• Love is about respect – Do you have a high opinion of your partner? Do you admire your partner?
• Love is about understanding – accept and appreciate your partner for the person that they are
• Love is about trust – be honest and truthful with your partner
• Love is about intimacy – share yourself and be open with your partner.
All of these elements probably had a hand in making you fall in love in the first place, and there is no doubt that they are essential to maintaining love in your relationship. So, when you are feeling resentful, angry or frustrated with your partner, take a moment to reflect on who they are and how you really feel about them:
• Be kind and generous towards your partner
• Enjoy each other’s company and remember your common ground – have fun together.
• Reflect upon your opinion of your partner? Remind yourself what you admire and respect about him/her?
• Be honest and truthful in your dealings and communication
• Share yourself and be open.
• Accept and appreciate your partner for the person that they are.
In your daily life, remember your love for each other by reflecting on what love really is.
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved;loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. Victor Hugo
 

References

  1. Bradbury, T.N., Fincham, F.D., & Beach, S.R.H. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62
    (4), 964–980. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00964.x.
  2. https://www.aamft.org/About_AAMFT/About_Marriage_and_Family_Therapists.aspx
  3. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/23761407.2018.1563013
  4. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/23761407.2018.1563013
  5. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/action/showCitFormats?doi=10.1111%2Fjmft.12350
  6. https://www.relationships.org.au/what-we-do/research/australian-relationships-indicators/relationships-indicator-2011
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