Making Real Connections in a Technological World

Technology makes many aspects of our lives easier. Long gone are the days where we have to wash our clothes by hand, search through an encyclopedia for answers to our homework, or even use a paper map. While technology has enriched our lives in so many ways, it has arguably made social interactions less necessary and less frequent.
Nowadays, even dating is often done via the internet. Instead of going out and meeting people at social functions where you may have to spend money on food and drinks, you can simply sit behind your computer and talk to dozens of potential suitors in a single sitting. Online dating is much easier than walking up to a stranger in a bar and asking them on a date.
So how does one get out of a dating “funk”? How do you meet someone and make a real connection, when online dating is all you know?

  • Step away from the computer. Meeting someone through a computer screen is completely different than being face-to-face. In person, you can use your sense of smell, touch and sight to assess a potential partner. Online you can really only use your sense of sight – and that can easily be distorted by the person on the other end.
  • Join a club or sign up for a class. Pick something out of your local recreation guide and register for it. Don’t be shy!
  • Pick a neutral topic and talk to your neighbour. If you’ve spent the last several years trying to find dates online, talking to a stranger can seem like a daunting task. This is why it’s great to do recreational activities in which you already have something in common (i.e. the activity).
  • Be a good listener. When you start talking to that sweet-looking woman across the room, give her your full, undivided attention. She will want to keep talking to you if she feels respected, valued and feels like you have something in common.
  • Relax and be yourself. Even though talking to strangers face-to-face may be outside of your comfort zone, don’t let that show. Take a deep breath or excuse yourself to splash water on your face if you need to get your composure. Remind yourself that the person you are talking to is probably feeling just as awkward.
  • Don’t let them forget about you. If you feel a connection to someone, don’t simply let them walk away. Take their number or ask them if they’d like to go for coffee sometime.
  • Did that handsome man from your rock climbing group mention that he was crazy about hockey? When you finally go on that date with him, impress him with what you have learned about hockey (for his benefit only). He will be flattered that you took an interest in something that matters to him.

Real connections and intimacy happen when you can use all of your senses to interact with someone. This might mean stepping outside of your comfort zone and taking part in activities that you might not otherwise be inclined to do. When you find someone that you connect with on an emotional, spiritual and physical level, you will realise exactly why you cannot find real intimacy and companionship from behind a computer screen.


  1. Bradbury, T.N., Fincham, F.D., & Beach, S.R.H. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62
    (4), 964–980. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00964.x.
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