Committed couples share their bed, their homes, their hopes and dreams, their fears and anxieties.
More often than not, and particularly in the case of marriage, committed couples also share their finances. And it is not at all uncommon for committed couples to fight over their finances.
It is true that, to a certain extent, money makes the world go round. Money affects our lives – money matters. So there is no wonder money causes so much tension and angst in our lives as couples.
There are many circumstances in which a couple might find themselves fighting about money. And if you are not fighting, you might just be building up unspoken resentment against your partner.
Here are a few situations that might relate:
•    There simply isn’t enough money in the household. Perhaps you both work, or one of you can’t get a job. Perhaps the mortgage is too high or the kids ‘school fees are too much. Whatever the cause, the anxiety caused by a lack of money causes tension and fights.
•    You hate your job but you can’t afford to quit. Every expense causes you to resent your partner and your kids. Your partner just doesn’t get it.
•    You like to save and your partner likes to spend. Every time he buys a new piece of hardware for his computer you want to scream! Every time she comes home with a new pair of shoes the fight begins. He refuses to pay for babysitting and you just need a night out. She always refuses dinner invitations because she hates spending the money.
These scenarios are caused by two significant and inter-related problems.
First, you and your partner have a mismatched approach to earning, spending and saving. Inherently, whether due to anxiety, upbringing, social experience and earning capacity, you spend and save differently. This causes conflict unless the differences are understood and discussed, and compromises are reached.
Which leads us to the second problem – you and your partner are not communicating adequately. You have a problem about money and you need to talk about it. You need to talk about it openly, respectfully and calmly. If you can’t do this yourself, employ the services of a marriage therapist or mediator to help you. Talk about your problem, work out where your differences lie, make your compromises and agree on a plan forward.
You and your partner don’t need to be at odds about your finances. Make a plan and make peace.